2013 is a wrap! What a year, right? I’ve been thinking a lot about the latter part of the year and wanted to put a few thoughts and memories down so I never forget how it felt to pick up our lives and move clear across the world. It’s taken me a couple months to write about it because a. it took a while to really sink in, b. I didn’t want to alarm my parents – my mom was already losing sleep – and c. I didn’t want the blog to seem like a place for complaining. I hoped it would (eventually) be a happy place where we share our travels, observations and favorite things. I wanted the sadness to pass before I talked about the really bad parts. But it’s important to remember how we feel at every stage of this journey…not just during the highs or vacations. So here it is! The real story of first time expats!
It was a hard, hard first three months. When we first arrived, our move didn’t ever feel REAL. We were living in a hotel, eating out every meal, sending out our laundry and living off a credit card, like we were on an extended vacation. Once we got the keys to our apartment, the empty stomach feelings began. We were REALLY doing it. We weren’t going home. One of the things that surprised me the most was how I could go from completely loving it to completely HATING it in a matter of minutes. I’d have a great meeting at work and think “YES! I can make a difference here!” or I’d be pleasantly walking under beautiful, trees with giant leaves and vines thinking “I live in the JUNGLE! THIS IS AMAZING!”….then without a moment’s notice, someone would shoulder check me (seemingly deliberately) because I was walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk (or because I don’t look like I’m from the area…or both). And I’d instantly have an internal meltdown. I’d sink back into the completely lonely, completely uncomfortable place I tried to avoid on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. The little voice in the back of my head that reminded me “you are very small in an unfamiliar world without a friend in sight.”
We thought that if we kept ourselves busy enough, we wouldn’t think about how homesick we were or how much we miss our friends, $5 beers and California English. But no matter how many pretty walks we took, or pep talks we gave each other, the homesickness had definitely set in. Deep.
The food was the first big difference with an even bigger impact. Just about everything I ate would make me ill. I’m sure you all were placing bets on how long the lactose and MSG-intolerant girl with a shellfish allergy could go without becoming violently sick. The answer is about 3 hours. I went to our neighborhood clinic a couple of times for parasite medication and antihistamine shots and quickly decided I would be a “travelling vegetarian”. I’m not against eating meat. I love it. I can’t imagine cutting it out completely. But by process of elimination, meat seemed to be the source of the parasites, rashes & pain. So I only eat meat very selectively and, most likely, not at all when we travel. So far, it’s working really well. I hardly ever have hives anymore! YES!
The Thanksgiving holiday was extremely tough, both because it’s a favorite of ours and it was our first holiday away. Seeing all the photos of our friends and family was both comforting and deeply saddening at the same time. Good piece of advice, expats—don’t stay in Singapore during the Holidays. We are so glad we decided to get out of town for a few days over Christmas. I think it was the best thing we could have done for our well-being.
Word to the wise…just because you rent a shiny new condo, that does not in any way mean it will be problem-free. Singapore slaps up condos so fast that it will make your head spin! And we just happened to pick a beautiful, brand new lemon. If I could have a frank conversation with four-months-ago-me, I’d recommend that she look for a condo that has seen at least one resident. That way, the kinks are all ironed out before you move in. Older condos offer more space, but not as many bells and whistles. A gym and a pool are necessities. Must be walkable and close to a train.
Three important words of advice I just received from a new expat friend — Don’t Say No. Whenever anyone asks you to hang out, even if you don’t know him/her well…DO IT. Even if you’re tired, not interested, shy, lazy…just say Yes. Worst case scenario, you see a new neighborhood, take a cool photo, have a drink out somewhere new & meet someone new (most likely in the same boat). For the first few weeks, I was not in the right mindset to be around people. I was in my little introvert hole and wanted to wear sweatpants every day. Yes, even in 100 degree weather. But now, I must say YES.
I was holding off on this blog entry until I had out stronger on the other side. I’m so glad I did. We’re not 100%, but we’re feeling better each day. Yes, it is hard to pick up your whole life and move clear across the world. It is hard not knowing how to open a bank or mobile phone account, not knowing when your personal items will arrive so you can cook again and have more than 3 pairs of shoes in your closet. It is especially hard not knowing anyone outside of work and being 16 hours, and $3.00 a minute, away from a friendly voice. But it does get easier. Places start to look familiar. Food is easier to digest 🙂
& whenever I’m blue, I remember Pete and I have each other. I also think about what Carly told us when she came to say goodbye – “just remember what an amazing opportunity this is, and whenever you feel sad, just tell yourselves how lucky you are.”
tigerattacktwins 